Hiding My Wedding Photos

When I took down all my wedding photos and packed the frames away in boxes, my friends objected.

I argued, “I’m happily married; it’s not about that. I just hate looking at these photos and then looking in the mirror.” There was a thinner version of myself in every room reminding me that I am nearly twice the size I was when I got married. Instead of looking at those pictures and feeling nostalgic, I felt fat. Feeling fat made me feel sloppy, unattractive, and full of regret. Feeling unhappy made me want to check out… and eat ice cream.

At the time, I didn’t really know the significance of hiding my wedding photos, but it turned out to be an early milestone in my health journey. Becoming more aware of how those photos impacted my emotions empowered me to do something about it. Why was I leaving photos on display that made me feel fat? Why was I wearing black sweatpants in 90 degree temperatures? Why did I feel like I had to eat cake at every opportunity whether I wanted it or not? Why was I torturing myself?
So I packed up the photos.
I bought shorts (long ones so they didn’t ride up my thighs).
I started imagining a future, healthier version of ME? What would she do? and what’s stopping me from doing that now?

Are there objects, habits, or thoughts in your life that are undermining your emotional and physical well-being?
For many people, weighing themselves regularly can help them stay on track, but if stepping on the scale makes you feel depressed, pack your scales in a box and put them in the garage.
If your bedroom is a mess and walking into it makes you feel like a slob, clean it up.
If you have photos on the wall that stir up yucky emotions, hide them.
Are you punishing yourself for being overweight by limiting yourself to a handful of ugly or uncomfortable clothes? Stop it. It’s 2020. You can buy plus size clothes in every style now.

I know what you’re thinking. “I don’t want to spend money on new clothes because I’m planning to lose weight.” But has it ever occurred to you that you might need to feel better before you’ll find the will to make healthier choices? Something so small and insignificant as purging my apartment of small discomforts gave me the motivation to find other ways to make myself feel better… to eat better, to exercise more, to read more, to pray more.

Think about it. Are you trying to shame yourself into losing weight?
How’s that working for ya?

It’s difficult to be disgusted with yourself and take care of yourself at the same time. Be aware of the things in your life that trigger gross feelings (like memories tied to objects, social media, certain people, alcohol, certain foods) and limit your exposure.
Practice being okay with your body, even grateful for it, no matter what size it is. Don’t let shame keep you from getting the sunshine, exercise, and laughs that your body so desperately needs.

My wedding photos have been packed away for 6 years now.
It’s been six transformational years.
I’m healthier in every way.
It’s probably time to find them.

Feature Image by wendy CORNIQUET from Pixabay